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+---
+public: true
+date: 2023-10-18
+tags: article, general
+banner: true
+---
+
+# The Struggle
+
+This is a get stuff of my chest article. Probably going to be a mixture of ranting and whining. If
+that is not your cup of tea then feel free to skip this article.
+
+## The struggle
+
+It has been one of those "when it rains, it pours" type of weeks. As write this, I feel like a baby
+/ complainer, which is not my intention, but here it goes.
+
+My aunt had a stroke and is likely not going to make it through the week. My aunt has always lived
+in Florida during my life / memory, but has always come to visit. She is my mom's oldest sister (9
+years apart), so she helped raise my mother growing up. They've always had a close relationship and
+are like two peas in a pod. They would always visit us, especially while my grand-parents were still
+alive. She is currently not really awake or expected to make it. She does not eat / drink and
+they've basically just been making her comfortable.
+
+One of my employees broke his neck over the weekend. I don't have a ton of details on this subject,
+but he had surgery to fuse some discs back together and should eventually be ok, however it will be
+a long recovery time.
+
+A few weeks ago, I commited one of the deadly sins of running a blower door test without checking /
+asking about the fireplaces, which caused lord knows how much damage from the soot that was spread
+throughout the living room(s).
+
+An online friend lost her mother.
+
+All of these things have just got me emotional.
+
+## My secrets
+
+I am an emotional person, sometimes to my detriment. I'm prone to fits of anger and depression. I
+spent many years masking things through alcohol abuse and many other idiotic tendencies. I still
+drink on occasion, but not as I once did.
+
+I often put my faith in folks, even if I haven't met them in person, this can often lead to being
+let down. I guess I struggle sometimes with the reality of online relationships. I think that people
+are genuine, because I'm that way (how I act online is the same as I act in person for the most
+part). I will happily show / share the good and the bad, in hopes that someone may learn. This is
+not at all something to be ashamed of, or anything that I'd like to change, however it does on
+occasion lead me into turmoil when I find out some true identity / personality of someone.
+
+I hold grudges, like forever grudges. It is very hard for me to get over somethings, even if I want
+to. I can sometimes put things out of my mind, but when I'm spinning, they will resurface. I want to
+forgive people, but it is just not the way it works for me often times. It takes a lot to get me
+beyond my breaking point, but once someone has gotten me there, there is likely no turning back for
+that person. Luckily, I can count on one hand the number of folks that I've had to cut out of my
+life for these reasons. I'd love to say that I'm a bigger / better person, that I forgive them, but
+truthfully I do not.
+
+My emotions sometimes make me say things publicly that I should keep to myself. I don't have a lot
+of regret around these things, because I generally mean what I say, and also feel we are entitled to
+opinions as well as entitled to change those opinions as often as we see fit. Although I don't
+regret them per-se, it does make me wonder what type of impression it leaves (something for future
+pondering, perhaps).
+
+I'm one of those that says "I don't care what they think about me", when I really do care what
+people think about me. This often leads to fear and anxiety, especially in social settings. I'm not
+the greatest at conversation, I'm better at writing or some interaction that gives me a bit of time
+to think before responding. Therefore, I'm quick to make a joke or something rather than having
+thoughtful / genuine responses.
+
+## Community
+
+All of these things have just got me thinking about community. Community is an aspect that seems
+distant nowadays, even though we have more opportunity than ever. We call ourselves part of
+communities, especially online, but I'm not convinced that it is really community (or at least not
+most of the time, not saying it can't be / in absolute terms).
+
+I have met a lot of folks online that I consider true friends. Friends that I would do anything for
+and feel they would do anything for me, just like my real life friends who have stuck with me for
+many years. These are people that challenge me and how I think on a regular basis. They do their
+best to lift me up when I'm down.
+
+It's easy to hide when so much of our interactions are not really in person, to feel like the
+relationships we do have are not genuine, but that's awfully cynical. I prefer to give people the
+benefit / trust they deserve until, at least until they don't then see my part about holding grudges
+;)
+
+Do you ever feel the same? Instead of being cynical and down, today, I'm trying to be positive. I'm
+trying to share a little bit of what I feel community should be. Although, I've never met HVAChicks
+Jennifer in real life, I read today about her mom and decided to take an hour or so to put together
+a website for the [HVAChicks Community](https://hvachicks.com), hoping it would bring a moment of
+happiness to her day. While I've deployed several websites in the past, this one for some reason was
+a total PITA, but I got through it. I could feel how grateful she was when I shared it with her (and
+it's basic AF), but that truly made me feel useful / great after being down in the dumps for a bit.
+
+## Conclusion
+
+I've probably rambled enough and am losing direction here, so I will end with a few things.
+
+1. Build the community around you that you want / deserve.
+1. Don't be so quick to pass judgment.
+1. Spend time with your loved ones, while you can.
+1. Tell someone you love them.
+
+Finally, I'd like to shout out some people that I'm grateful for. This is non-exhaustive list, if I
+left you off, I'm sorry and please do not take it personally.
+
+1. Bryan Orr
+   - Bryan has cultivated an awesome group / community that I'm proud to be a part of. His time and
+     commitment to the HVAC industry is something that I hope he himself is proud of. Without Bryan,
+     mostly all the following names would not even be in my vocabulary.
+1. Ty Branaman (forget exactly how to spell his last name).
+   - Ty has such a great personality during his videos / training and I'm sure it's a struggle to be
+     positive all the time, however it brings me hope and joy everytime!
+1. Dustin (mother f'n) Cole
+   - Dustin is like a brother that I never had, he's a true master of his craft and I know that I
+     can rely on him anytime I need it!
+1. Genry Garcia
+   - The cuban crusader who has taught me so much about home performance, and especially ZPD (baby,
+     baby)!
+1. Chris Hughes
+   - It's hard to put into words here, but I know that Chris is there to talk when I need it and
+     he's a great motivator because of his action items :)
+1. Eric Kaiser
+   - I think genuine when I think of Eric, I hear his voice in my head when I write reports because
+     of guidance he has given in the past. He truly wants to help teach people.
+1. Michael Cianfracco (??)
+   - Man does he make me laugh and we share a passion for the 4-Roses.
+1. HVAChicks Jennifer (I'll butcher her last name from memory)
+   - Jennifer is inspiring with her goals and everything she does to help anyone in the industry. I
+     can't wait to meet her in person one day soon!
+1. HVAC Overtime Crew
+   - I'm lumping these guys together because I truly enjoy when I'm able to make their live stream
+     on Friday's. And I interact with A-Team a lot and really appreciate him / them!
+1. Alicia Hollon
+   - Alicia is so awesome to me, I mean she just made my favorite pancakes and sausage for dinner,
+     love you babe!
+
+Lastly, I have to shout out to my mom. I know she's going through a rough time with my aunt
+currently. My mother is the kindest gentlest soul that I've ever met. I look up to all 5' of her!
+
+At any rate, thanks for sticking it out to the end through my ramblings. Be kind to someone today
+and tomorrow!